You Can't Spell Suck Without U.S.C.

Dear 8lb, 9oz, little, precious, Dawg-lovin’ savior,

Good morning Jesus, and Happy September Saturday. One of the most glorious kinds of Saturdays! Thank you for inventing them.

Well, Jesus, we Georgia fans are coming to you a little more humbly this week. Our hearts (and our ACLs) are hurting with sympathy for our Dawgs. But, the way I figure it, Jesus, you’re the biggest come-back kid I know, so I believe in my heart of hearts that you will help our boys pull out a victory today over those wretched chickens and their evil leader.

Can we just talk about Steve Spurrier for a second, tiny leader of Heaven? Far as I can tell, YOU’RE the only Head Ball Coach around this place…and the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. He’s just a big old arrogant commandment breaker (whichever one where you said don’t be a big dumb jerk!) And he THROWS things, Jesus! Can you imagine? A grown man, throwing a hat. And I hear he takes his clothes off at practice! Clearly all signs of a lunatic that should not be encouraged by a victory over our own chaste (and better looking with his shirt off) Coach Richt!

Also, I know last week I said orange was the worst thing you ever made, but that’s just because I forgot about Columbia. What kind of place wants to be the capitol of the state that didn’t even want to be a part of this great grand thing we call AMERICA?! That’s like saying you want to be in a conference outside of the SEC. WHO DOES THAT, Jesus?! Not the Bulldogs, I can tell you that much.

As we gather in Athens (second only to Heaven of the most important places ever), I ask that you watch over all those proudly wearing any variety of red and black, or silver britches. Thank you for our (remaining) Bulldogs, small lord. If you could please (like, really, all the PLEASEs) protect them for the rest of the season, we would really appreciate it. Also, if you could perhaps inspire Bobo with a little less running and a little more throwing, I bet your name would be screamed at TVs a lot less frequently this weekend.

In your nothin’-finer-in-the-land name we pray,

Amen.

And GO DAWGS!

PS. Thanks for that whole Tebow thing, by the way.