Cajun is French for Corndog

Dear 8lb, 90z, tiniest little Georgia-loving Jesus,

Thank you for another glorious Saturday in Athens, lordlet! And thank you for that sweet victory over North Texas last week! Today, the Bulldogs take on another team of Tigers, Jesus, and we come to you asking for a better outcome than that first go’round!

First of all, Jesus, Baton Rouge (really, they can’t think of a better name for their city than Red Stick??) is just the grossest! It’s like all the rednecks in France got kicked out by the sophisticated folks and fled to Louisiana. Have you ever met snobby white trash, Jesus? They're the worst! And they barely even speak English, which we all know was your native tongue. I mean, it's in the Bible, Jesus. You can’t just go around, inventin’ languages and stuff. Who spells it geaux? I mean, honestly. And they can call it a bayou all they want; fact is it’s a nasty old swamp! Speaking of which, have you ever even seen a tiger in a swamp, Jesus? I don’t think so. 

I’ll be honest, cause you said we should be, and admit I don’t know much about LSU, tiny monarch. I’ve heard the fans smell like corndogs and that just like the last stupid Tigers we played, they named their stadium after a place in another state. Not that I’d expect much from the people from a place where beads are accepted as currency for lewd behavior! Georgia should win just on our caliber of students alone, savior! And because purple is ugly.

This important battle also comes down to our coaches, little ruler of Heaven. Every week we devout Georgia fans look to Mark Richt (second only to you, of course) as our hero and our leader. Sure, he’s a little conservative, but at least he knows how to clap. And he doesn’t go around paying players and stuff. Or taking Nick Saban’s throw-away jobs. Or cheating on his wife. Or eating grass. (Really, Jesus, what is that all about?) Or taking on quarterbacks who treat ladies inappropriately! That Mettenberger, Jesus! Thank you for seeing to it that he not be allowed to continue his career as a Georgia Bulldog and for delivering Aaron Murray to us instead!

As we gather between our sacred hedges today, tiny savior, protect over our boys and lead us to victory over those crappy cajuns. Let there be long (caught) passes, lots of (forced) turnovers and long (touchdown) drives. Continue to keep us safe from injury, and out of trouble during the week. We thank you for making it so darn great to be a Georgia Bulldog, sweet Jesus!!!

In your comin’ down the track name we pray,

Amen.

And GO DAWGS!!