Orange Is Not the New Red and Black

Dear 8lb, 9oz, SEC-lovin' tiny Jesus in the manger,

Woooooeeeeee, Jesus! How about all of the awesome it is to be a Georgia Bulldog this season! Thank you for helping us send those crappy tigers back to the swamp with their tails between their legs! Today our blessed Bulldogs take on some Volunteers in orange (which to me sounds a lot like those prisoners who clean up trash on the side of the road) in some gross old place in Tennessee. I feel strongly you will help guide us victory, littlest lord.

Remember when Tennessee weekend used to be a big deal, Jesus? In college, I always spent a little extra time talking to you before this game! Now, well, I have to be honest. I don’t even know their coach’s name. I expect this is all a result of that one time Derek Dooley decided to be a big ole traitor and went to Knoxville for approximately 5 minutes. Now they're just another dumb team dressed in orange who doesn't know what their mascot is. *cough* Auburn *cough*

Speaking of mascots,  let’s just be honest here, tiny Christ. I know we’re supposed to love all of your creatures, and we do. But there’s just no way on Earth that Smokey is as good as Uga when it comes to mascots. That Russ is a handsome gentleman and could obviously whoop that coon dog’s hiney if he felt like getting off his bag of ice! And that wretched Rocky Top business. I'm sorry, little savior, but if Phish covers your fight song, you should probably just hang it up.

I really like to think Heaven looks a lot like Sanford Stadium around 9am on the morning of a noon game, Jesus. Not like Neyland Stadium, which I hear looks a lot like a garbage truck workers’ convention. I mean, it would make sense, Jesus. Remember when Lane Kiffen left and they burned trash in the streets to stop him? First, what kind of nasty rednecks burn trash? And second, who wants to keep Lane Kiffen anywhere?

Bless over our boys in red and black this week, baby ruler of the Universe, and for the love of your sweet name, don't let us do that thing where we accidentally lose a game we shouldn't. Know that in honor of today's game, I will not be drinking Jack Daniels to avoid showing any support to state best known for...wait wait, Jesus, I can't even pretend I'm telling the truth right now. I guess Tennessee the state isn't all bad, but their crappy football team is, so let the Dawgs win today!

In your hobnail boot wearin' name we pray,

Amen.

And GO DAWGS!