Saturday, September 8, 2012

Georgia v. Mizzou

Dear 8lb, 9oz baby Jesus freshly back from the DNC…

Just so glad we’re all back together again!  Please tell your mom and Dad we say hello! I’ve always wondered, Jesus…Do your mom and Joseph invite your Dad over for your birthday party every year (we call it Christmas!)? I’d guess by now it’s not awkward any more, but really, how adult of them.

I’d like to start by saying, itty bitty Jesus, Blessed be the night game!  We will all spend the next hours imbibing, eating foods we only treat ourselves to during football season, playing drinking games and feeling that sense of camaraderie you only ever feel on game day.  HO. LY. SPIRIT!

Our poor Dawgs are in stinky ole’ Missouri, Jesus! Can I just say, lordlet, that I just remembered from school that Missouri is the Show Me state. Um. Show Me?! Not that we all don’t love a good smooch, Jesus, but showing?! Now that’s another story. What kind of moral character do these tawdry tigers have?! Clearly not the kind that earns a victory over our sacred Georgia Bulldogs!

I know you’ve always said to be kind to strangers, pint-sized Savior, and Missouri IS the new kid in town.  I think it only right that we Dawgs give them a proper, You-like welcome to the SEC, Jesus, don’t you!!??  Plus, spare the rod and what not.  Today we ask you, Jesus, Please help us whoop their butts!  In the most neighborly way possible, of course.

Oh Jesus! I forgot last week.  Thank you for Russ.  He’s a darn good dog and will make a Damn Good Dawg!  The Bulldog Nation is lucky to have him and we wanted to let you know we really appreciate it. Those brown spots, Jesus! How creative of you.

Any old who, Jesus.  Please watch over our boys today!  They apparently need some extra injury protection so I was wondering if you could holler at your saints or something.  Maybe a retired angel? I don’t want to ask for too much! Just whatever you could spare would really be more than enough.

Please carry the cheers of us Bulldogs on up to Missouri, Jesus.  Let the boys in their silver britches proudly represent what it means to wear our red and black! Please give us all that magical Bulldog feeling in our hearts…perhaps some time around 7pm when we’ll need it after drinking whiskey for 8 hours.  And finally Lord, if you wouldn’t mind, would you say hi to Larry for us?  These kids today will never know what they’re missing.

In your ever holy and tiny tiny name we pray, Amen and Go Dawgs.


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