I got really pissed off at Facebook yesterday. I mean, really really. I went so far as to delete my profile. It would still be that way, were I not required to reactivate like, 15 seconds later, so I could log-in to Spotify and continue to kick boyfriend's ass at Words. It was like breaking up with someone, having an AMAZING last word, then realizing after you dropped the mic and slammed the door behind you, that you left your purse inside. I sheepishly pulled my profile back up but have committed myself to a break. I'd like to explain, if that's ok.
So, in case you didn't notice in the sea of red and pink yesterday, some pretty important marriage equality stuff is going on in our country. And I figured based on how most people know me to be, I could say that I thought it was pretty silly how EVERY SINGLE PERSON was jumping on the profile picture changing warpath without anyone assuming it was commentary on the larger issue. I thought the understanding would be that I scoff at viral social media explosions, whereby people line up like lemmings and jump off the trendy cause cliff. But instead, I got accused of being homo-insensitive. Pretty awesome, isn't it?
Anyways. This isn't the first time something like this has happened on my Facebook. Where I post something completely off the cuff and people have immediate panic attacks over it. This is...frustrating to me. I get accused of stirring the pot a lot.The thing is, that's honestly very rarely my intent. We all know I'm opinionated and outspoken, but I am also fully committed to the idea that Facebook is not real life. It's beyond annoying to me that I can't just say something slightly ridiculous without suddenly having to manage an influx of criticism or downright narrow-minded idiocracy.
And the arguments are obvious. Don't post so much. Talk about the weather like everyone else. These are the days I wish I had kids to post a thousand pictures of or recipes to pin or something. I could pare down my friends list from 900 to probably 150 if I want less people having the opportunity to weigh in on my thoughts. Because, let's be honest. I'm friends with people I've met once and will likely never see again. I'm friends with people I sat next to one semester, freshman year, who I haven't spoken to since. Why?
I go through these phases with Facebook where "Why" is all I can ask. Why am I telling a group comprised predominantly of strangers that I'm out a bar with my friends? Or that I ate an entire cake and want to punch Jillian Michaels in the face. Why are my friends getting bent out of shape over engagements that aren't their own? Why do we compare ourselves socially? Why do people seem to hang on my words, ready to pounce the minute I post so we can talk about something that is completely mundane and frankly, why does anyone REALLY care? WHY WHY WHY, when we are together with our real friends, are we all sitting around on our phones? Trust when I say I am the worst offender of this last one and I want to get better about it.
Yesterday was different. Because, honestly, I got my feelings hurt. I was SHOCKED that anyone who's ever listened to me talk about how I feel about most social issues would ever think I wouldn't be first in line to promote marriage equality. Sorry I wasn't first in line to do the "IT" Facebook thing of the day, but the immediate conclusions that were drawn were really...insulting. It was when I felt myself wanting to lash out about it that I realized I need to step away for a minute. I am not going to fight over Facebook. Ever. Between this and the breastfeeding post, I mean, really, it's just NOT that serious. So I took the post down. Because I honestly just didn't have it in me to fight with a bunch of people who went so far beyond the meaning of the original message. Sometimes, y'all freakin' wear me out.
I care about your opinions. And there are days when I'm really proud of the debates in which we engage, because I feel like the nature of my friend group allows people to come up against perspectives that they might not in their own every day circles. I like that for the most part, we respectfully disagree with one another and usually maintain a gloves-off style of discussion. I love that we care and want to inspire change and that, whether I agree with it or not, Facebook is where most of the meetings of the minds in today's society happen. And I want them to happen on my page. When they are worthy and based on facts, not your wounded, fragile ego's interpretation of my post.
I don't like having to tiptoe. I don't like that my opinion suddenly becomes fodder for such intense anger or reactionary behavior. It's so silly. It's my OPINION. And it's mine in no regard to yours. I wish people could understand that we're allowed to be different and disagree without taking it personally. Cause, and I mean this is the most respectful, full-of-love sorta way, what you think and what you do matter to me none. And I say that, really really hoping you feel the same about me. Especially when it comes to what I'm doing on Facebook.
So, I'm gonna take a little breather. I want to go back to not being connected every second. To not feeling the need to compulsively check my phone for information that is honestly NEVER very interesting. It's not that you or your life aren't interesting. It's that Facebook isn't. And I worry that Facebook will slowly (if it totally hasn't already) make ME less interesting. Because when someone asks me what I did with my day, I should be able to come up with something better than "Played on my phone."
Just wanted to say that I went to post just what you've said here yesterday but found the post to be deleted. I was going to point out that anyone who knows you *should* deduct that you 1) are just sharing an opinion and being that it's YOUR page, you're entitled to do so and 2) that it's far more likely that YOU would be up in arms against more viral social media shenanigans than the issue of gay marriage. However you did, also, jump to the conclusion that the girl said you "hated all gays" when in fact she made a generalization that you must not have many gay friends. This could be a true statement, and acceptable if you had few gay friends by circumstance vs. by choice. The statement she made wasn't as dramatic as you interpreted it to be, but I see above that you were hurt by it so your knee-jerk reaction was probably as expected as hers... Anyway, I hope you enjoy your time away!! We'll miss ya.
ReplyDeleteFair.
ReplyDeleteI saw the post yesterday but didn't comment on it. First, I understand and empathize with the reasons to unplug. Second, I just wanted to mention why I PERSONALLY chose to put the picture up - because a lot of people seem to think that it's just some loud-mouthed gays demanding special rights, and I think it's high time that us straight people who support their cause either become vocal or become more vocal about supporting the right to be treated equally in the eyes of the law, even if it doesn't affect us personally. I would compare it to the way whites became involved in the Civil Rights movement - when the unaffected don't stick up for the minority, there's no one left to stick up for us when someone comes after our rights. So I put it up. As far as your post goes - I completely agree that sometimes these "what color is your bra for breast cancer awareness" things go too far, and while I made my thoughts known to my senator (who is one of only 8 Democrats left in the senate who won't support marriage equality), I will completely give you the credit that yes, my posting a picture may not lead anyone to think twice, let alone change their opinion. However. I've learned that when I post something that leads someone to suppose that I'm poo-pooing an issue that someone cares very deeply about, it can go south quickly. In many cases, people will brush off an outspoken opponent of their views, but the same people will get MORE upset if they feel that someone is making fun of them for taking a stand and is projecting indifference. Not saying that's how you intended or even came across to me personally, I'm just saying that I can imagine that's the thinking that may cause someone to go off about it. And with this issue in particular, I imagine that there are a lot of people - on both sides - who tend to feel that belittling those who feel passionately is a step worse than silence, when silence equals tacit compliance. Again, I don't think that's how you operate, but it's just some light into the motivations that some may feel. I do, however, agree that sometimes we need to ask ourselves the big "why" thing and reevaluate our boundaries from time to time on the interwebs. I feel that while I'm entitled to speak what I want to speak (be it bitching about being out of milk or my position on abortion), but I allow anyone who wants to disagree with me to do so. The one thing I won't put up with is bullying, which is easy when they're bullying someone else on my page, but is a judgment call thing when they attack me. I have to reevaluate whether they're attacking my opinion, correcting facts, teasing me like I would tease them, or straight up being mean. It's a fine line. sometimes I've made the wrong call and lost friends over it, sometimes I've sent a private message and said "this is a warning - please don't treat me or my friends this way" and sometimes I've just gone ahead and cut the ties to them. And sometimes I've unknowingly stirred the pot with as few as four words which has led to people going bonkers. In the end, though, I enjoy frank and honest conversation and will hope that everyone can continue to engage in it without jumping to conclusions about what I or anyone else thinks or feels.
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