Georgia v. Mizzou

Dear 8lb, 9oz baby Jesus freshly back from the DNC…

Just so glad we’re all back together again!  Please tell your mom and Dad we say hello! I’ve always wondered, Jesus…Do your mom and Joseph invite your Dad over for your birthday party every year (we call it Christmas!)? I’d guess by now it’s not awkward any more, but really, how adult of them.

I’d like to start by saying, itty bitty Jesus, Blessed be the night game!  We will all spend the next hours imbibing, eating foods we only treat ourselves to during football season, playing drinking games and feeling that sense of camaraderie you only ever feel on game day.  HO. LY. SPIRIT!

Our poor Dawgs are in stinky ole’ Missouri, Jesus! Can I just say, lordlet, that I just remembered from school that Missouri is the Show Me state. Um. Show Me?! Not that we all don’t love a good smooch, Jesus, but showing?! Now that’s another story. What kind of moral character do these tawdry tigers have?! Clearly not the kind that earns a victory over our sacred Georgia Bulldogs!

I know you’ve always said to be kind to strangers, pint-sized Savior, and Missouri IS the new kid in town.  I think it only right that we Dawgs give them a proper, You-like welcome to the SEC, Jesus, don’t you!!??  Plus, spare the rod and what not.  Today we ask you, Jesus, Please help us whoop their butts!  In the most neighborly way possible, of course.

Oh Jesus! I forgot last week.  Thank you for Russ.  He’s a darn good dog and will make a Damn Good Dawg!  The Bulldog Nation is lucky to have him and we wanted to let you know we really appreciate it. Those brown spots, Jesus! How creative of you.

Any old who, Jesus.  Please watch over our boys today!  They apparently need some extra injury protection so I was wondering if you could holler at your saints or something.  Maybe a retired angel? I don’t want to ask for too much! Just whatever you could spare would really be more than enough.

Please carry the cheers of us Bulldogs on up to Missouri, Jesus.  Let the boys in their silver britches proudly represent what it means to wear our red and black! Please give us all that magical Bulldog feeling in our hearts…perhaps some time around 7pm when we’ll need it after drinking whiskey for 8 hours.  And finally Lord, if you wouldn’t mind, would you say hi to Larry for us?  These kids today will never know what they’re missing.

In your ever holy and tiny tiny name we pray, Amen and Go Dawgs.

Georgia vs. Buffalo

Bow ‘em.

Dear 8lb 9oz tiny, precious, once was lost but now is found, baby Jesus is the manger. Can I just start by saying that if we were sorority sisters, Jesus, I would totally run up to you in the bar and jump up and down and scream because it’s been so darn long?! Oh my You!

So HOW DEE DO, Jesus? We come to you today with great thanks for bringing us back to the most holy of times in the most sacred of lands. Jesus, I know you made, you know, everything, but better than any mountain majestic, any shimmering sea, better than all the stars in the sky, small savior, is a Fall Football Saturday in Athens, GA. (Though it’s hotter than that place we’re not allowed to talk about) And in the midst of this (warm) heaven we call Dawg Country, is a shrine named Sanford Stadium, where our beloved Dawgs face off today.

Jesus, please forgive us our off-season mishaps, drug convictions, weapons charges and overall inability to stop being thugs. Dawgs will be Dawgs, after all. I know we’ve given ourselves quite a reputation in the SEC, but we ask for absolution, just as you pardoned those dirty whores way back in the day.

Today little Lord, the Georgia Bulldogs take on the Buffalo…wait Jesus, let me look this up…….Bulls.  Wait, the Buffalo Bulls? Jesus, that’s just silly. Moving on.

Little Christ, please place your protection on the Dawgs. Let their runs be swift and passes long. Let injuries be minimal. Let every person donned in red and black drink whiskey till their heart’s content.  I ask for good tidings to all of our brethren in the SEC and college football fans everywhere.

God Bless this Kick-off Weekend. Best darn day of the year. 

In Your name we rock this house.  GO DAWGS. Amen.

Um. PS, Jesus.  You know how up there I said good tidings to all our SEC brothers?  I didn’t mean Auburn.  Or Florida.