"My God, a Freshman!"

Dear 8lb, 9oz, sometimes serious Jesus in the manger,

Little leader, we’re coming to you today with a different sorta prayer. While of course our eyes are always set on the W, (AGAIN AGAINST SOME MORE DANG TIGERS, if I may say so) we need a little TLC for our boys this week, Jesus.

Bulldogs remember the first time we set foot in Heaven, Jesus. On Earth, we call it Athens. And we remember marching miles in heels, hammered, calling out about who’s coming down the track. And we remember our first tailgate on North Campus, and how we were darn sure we’d never find a better place to call home. The moment you know you’re a Georgia Bulldog, Jesus, you are forever changed.

We remember our first trip to Jacksonville. If you’re me, on a bus with ALL of the drunk fraternity boys, some of whom are still my most favorite people on the planet. We remember being so wasted before a night game against Auburn that we were sure we’d never make it, but we did. We think about the moment when everyone realizes you’re going to win a too-close game against Tennessee and you hug a complete stranger in the stands. In that moment, you understand why we call it the Bulldog Nation.

We reflect on the players we have loved along the years! And some we love less now, David Pollock you filthy traitor!

*Ahem*

When you’re a Bulldog, the sound of Larry Munson’s voice does somethin’ to you.  Standing in Sanford Stadium on a perfect Saturday afternoon in Fall is better than the best thing you can think of. And the song leading us into the 4^th sometimes makes us choked up, but we just pretend our bleary eyes are drunk, because there’s no crying  in football.

But there is. Our ever-stoic coach shed tears, Jesus! When things like last week happen, and the week before, and all of the weeks where a Bulldog has fallen, you feel it! And your heart hurts. You worry for your team, not a National title. (Ok, a National title a little, but go with me on this, Jesus.) Georgia Bulldogs everywhere are worried, Jesus, and we need your help!

Watch over us today, lordlet. Loran said it best when he said Larry would love this team’s heart. I believe Larry is up there with you, Jesus, so maybe you could talk to him some about why this year’s Georgia team is so incredibly special. Keep it safe! And if in the interim we could whoop some Tiger tails, that would also be muchly appreciated.

In your grown man football playin’ name we pray,

Amen.

AND GO DAWGS!

Orange Is Not the New Red and Black

Dear 8lb, 9oz, SEC-lovin' tiny Jesus in the manger,

Woooooeeeeee, Jesus! How about all of the awesome it is to be a Georgia Bulldog this season! Thank you for helping us send those crappy tigers back to the swamp with their tails between their legs! Today our blessed Bulldogs take on some Volunteers in orange (which to me sounds a lot like those prisoners who clean up trash on the side of the road) in some gross old place in Tennessee. I feel strongly you will help guide us victory, littlest lord.

Remember when Tennessee weekend used to be a big deal, Jesus? In college, I always spent a little extra time talking to you before this game! Now, well, I have to be honest. I don’t even know their coach’s name. I expect this is all a result of that one time Derek Dooley decided to be a big ole traitor and went to Knoxville for approximately 5 minutes. Now they're just another dumb team dressed in orange who doesn't know what their mascot is. *cough* Auburn *cough*

Speaking of mascots,  let’s just be honest here, tiny Christ. I know we’re supposed to love all of your creatures, and we do. But there’s just no way on Earth that Smokey is as good as Uga when it comes to mascots. That Russ is a handsome gentleman and could obviously whoop that coon dog’s hiney if he felt like getting off his bag of ice! And that wretched Rocky Top business. I'm sorry, little savior, but if Phish covers your fight song, you should probably just hang it up.

I really like to think Heaven looks a lot like Sanford Stadium around 9am on the morning of a noon game, Jesus. Not like Neyland Stadium, which I hear looks a lot like a garbage truck workers’ convention. I mean, it would make sense, Jesus. Remember when Lane Kiffen left and they burned trash in the streets to stop him? First, what kind of nasty rednecks burn trash? And second, who wants to keep Lane Kiffen anywhere?

Bless over our boys in red and black this week, baby ruler of the Universe, and for the love of your sweet name, don't let us do that thing where we accidentally lose a game we shouldn't. Know that in honor of today's game, I will not be drinking Jack Daniels to avoid showing any support to state best known for...wait wait, Jesus, I can't even pretend I'm telling the truth right now. I guess Tennessee the state isn't all bad, but their crappy football team is, so let the Dawgs win today!

In your hobnail boot wearin' name we pray,

Amen.

And GO DAWGS!